The Destructive Nature Of Name-Calling In Relationships

Oftentimes, when partners are angry with each other, rather than address the issues in a civilized manner, sticking to facts, reason, and fair, appropriate discourse, they tend to attack each other, calling each other horrible names, assaulting and abusing each other relentlessly.

This is destructive and counterproductive. It prevents true communication and any hope for true harmony. All of the name-calling causes more resentments, more anger, more distrust, and it doesn’t generate a desire for cooperation. It doesn’t foster understanding. It doesn’t change the other person’s mind.

If anything, it makes the other person more defensive and intractable. Additionally, after that particular squabble has ended, the couple, still a couple committed to their union, now have enduring emotional scars from all the hostility, aggression, and personal attacks, which act as barriers to true healing, the restoration of trust, and a strengthened union.

When we are angry with our loved ones, it is best that we stick to the issues, we stick to the facts, we don’t resort to personal attacks, and we respect the person even if we disagree. It’s best that we remember that our goal is not about winning the battle, so to speak, but about winning the war.

With open-mindedness, compassion, and acceptance, despite strong feelings of hurt, fear, and disapproval of our partner’s attitudes or actions, and by refraining from unnecessary personal attacks on their character, we increase the potential of helping our partner change and grow, and the relationship along with it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Therapy that goes beyond the couch


Walter informs his clients how to neutralize their negative thinking, how to eliminate fear thoughts and catastrophic thinking, how to regulate their emotions and anxieties so they don't make thoughtless, reckless, impulsive decisions, and how to effectively communicate in order to get their needs met.

Clinical Services

  • Individual Therapy
  • Couples Therapy
  • Psychopharmacology Therapy
  • Equine-Assisted Psychotherapy
  • Sessions via Office, Skype, or Phone
Make an Appointment

Latest Tweets

walterdoc @walterdoc
Walter E Jacobson MD  @walterdoc
It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear. - Dick Cavett. #happiness 
Walter E Jacobson MD  @walterdoc
The first duty of love is to listen. - Paul Tillich #happiness 
Walter E Jacobson MD  @walterdoc
RT @gooodthang:Don't Make Assumptions. Take A Step Back and Think via @walterdoc 

Visit my profile on YourTango Experts