Increasing Self Esteem & Improving Relationships

When we are doing somebody a favor, it’s best we do it graciously. It’s best we don’t make them feel like they are burdening us or that they are a nuisance because when we do this we are essentially shooting ourselves in the foot.

Despite the fact that we are doing them a favor, when we do it begrudgingly we are actually destroying a substantial amount of good will in the process. At the same time that we are helping them, we are also generating bad feelings.

Basically, what we’re saying is that there are conditions to our helping them. We’re saying that, “I will help you but I will make you feel bad about it. I will make you feel less than. I will make you feel shamed and guilty. I will make you feel like you owe me something in return for putting me out.”

It makes no sense to behave this way. It’s much better to maximize the situation so that we come up smelling like roses.

Consequently, if we have decided we will help someone, it behooves us to offer the assistance graciously and joyously. When we do this, we demonstrate how incredibly wonderful, magnanimous, selfless and generous we are, and in the process we strengthen our bond with the person, we advance our reputation in the community as word spreads about our estimable actions, we like ourselves more for truly being a class act, and we increase the odds of people going out of their way to help us in the future should we ever be in need.


Bottom line: No matter what we are doing, whether it be a favor for others, a task at work, or some leisure activity, it always behooves us to do it with grace, a smile, and a positive attitude. In the long run, this will improve our self esteem and serve us well.

0 thoughts on “Increasing Self Esteem & Improving Relationships

    1. Walter E. Jacobson

      thank, paula! my comments section gets very lonely. appreciate you taking the time to acknowledge my efforts!….. have a great day!

  1. Jennifer

    Dear Walter,

    I always find your posts so enlightening and wise. Thanks again for another wise and insightful post.

    Jennifer K.

    1. Walter E. Jacobson

      thanks, jennifer, for your kind words. i am very pleased to know they are helpful. take care. be well!
      best regards,

  2. harry downs

    We intuitively sense what you are saying, but sometimes our ego demands a measure of superiority for having given the help. Itisi too easy to have false grace in these matters and I wish I was better at it. I am trying to make it a habit to help out with good humour, but I am not always sucesful.


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Therapy that goes beyond the couch


Walter informs his clients how to neutralize their negative thinking, how to eliminate fear thoughts and catastrophic thinking, how to regulate their emotions and anxieties so they don't make thoughtless, reckless, impulsive decisions, and how to effectively communicate in order to get their needs met.

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