Although some people might think that seeing all the negatives, all the potentially catastrophic what-ifs in every situation, places them in a superior defensive survival mode, it’s simply not true.

Being an optimist, seeing the glass as half-full rather than half-empty, does not imply or suggest that we lose our grip on reality or on the devastating possibilities in this chaotic, angry, frightened world. It does not mean we are wearing blinders which will prevent us from effectively defending or preparing ourselves.

We do all the critical thinking. We consider all the scenarios, good, bad and ugly. We do it all and we do it just as well as the pessimistic, half-empty crowd.

The difference is that by maintaining a positive outlook, by finding balanced ways of looking at events and their impact on us, we keep fear instincts and emotions in check, thereby avoiding angry, judgmental, aggressive, impulsive actions that are not in anybody’s best interests in the long run.

When we keep our fear thoughts in check and maintain a balanced emotional outlook, we communicate more effectively, we problem-solve more effectively, we discharge our stress and aggression in healthy rather than maladaptive ways, we increase our odds of weathering any storm with minimal personal and collateral damage. We maximize our potential for recovery and prosperity, however we define the term.

Consequently, regardless of how horrible our lives might be, it behooves us to count our blessings, to be grateful for what we have despite whatever lack or limitations we’re faced with, to remind ourselves that things could be worse, that there are many others on the planet who have it a lot worse than we do.

In times of great stress, it can be very beneficial to look for the blessings in disguise, to look for the silver linings, to look for the lessons.

And so we focus on what can go right as opposed to all the things that could go wrong. We stop assuming the worst. We remain hopeful. We keep our mind open to unexpected outcomes, possibilities and alternatives.

And, perhaps most important of all, we remember that seeing the world as half-full vs half-empty is a choice. We don’t necessarily have control over what happens to us, but we do have control over how we perceive what’s happened to us, how we react to it, whether we allow it to demoralize and defeat us or whether we choose to find a way to overcome it and transcend it.

Additionally, keep in mind that being positive is ultimately the only game in town. Regardless of what is going on, in the long run, being positive, optimistic and hopeful, as opposed to choosing negativity, pessimism and hopelessness, will serve you better physically, emotionally and spiritually.

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If we continually procrastinate and sabotage ourselves to the point of not getting the lives we want, we need to re-program our subconscious minds because it is not our being a victim of bad luck or some more concrete scapegoat that is getting in our way. It’s us.

When one self-improvement program, self-help-book, spiritual guru, economic guru, etc., after another has failed to deliver us our aspirations,  it behooves us to keep our Shakespeare in mind. Particularly, that “the fault, dear Brutus, lies not in the stars but in ourselves that we are underlings.”

Point being: We can be masters of our fate or victims of our fears, fantasies and foolishness. We can continue to know what we need to do and not do it, and not get where we want to go. Or we can recognize that everything we’ve tried hasn’t worked, so we best do something different.

Self-Sabotage

In order to do something different, best we know the root cause of the problem and then design a unique and effective solution.

The root cause is self-sabotage. Consciously, we want to make money, make friends, lose weight, get healthy and fit, find our soul mates and partners, and by golly we’re gonna start tomorrow morning for sure, you betcha. This time I really mean it.

New Year’s Resolutions come and go. Again and again. Year after year.  Unconsciously, our resistance to change is great and our resolve to put into practice the principles and techniques we’ve learned is weak. The resistance wins out, any attempt at establishing a habit of behaviors, a pattern of focused thoughts and exercises all devoted to the achievement of expressed goals fails sooner or later.

We’re back at step one. With another healthy dose, so to speak, of guilt, shame and self-loathing that we’ve failed another attempt to attain our goals, whatever they might be.

Why is the unconscious resistance to change so great? It’s because of what I just made reference to: guilt, shame and self-loathing. Buried deed in the unconscious mind is the belief that we are not good enough and don’t deserve abundance and success.

That core thought compels the subconscious to act in ways that creates that reality.  We experience a world which reflects that self-concept that we are not worthy. Rather than attracting success, happiness and prosperity into our lives, we attract accidents and potholes.

If this premise is correct, then we must change our core thoughts about ourselves which compel our subconscious mind to do our bidding if we are to attract the life we want without resistance, negativity, obstacles and unpleasantness.

We must rid ourselves of the unconscious guilt, shame and self-loathing. Not a simple task. Nonetheless, a worthy one. And the way to do it is to be of service to others, to engage in estimable acts towards others as best we can, without conditions, exceptions or expectations.

As we esteem others through our respect and service to help as best we can, we are esteeming ourselves and sending our subconscious the message that we are good enough. But that’s not enough. We must forgive ourselves as well if we are to eliminate the deeply submerged guilt and shame.

We Reap What We Sow

As we forgive others, which involves letting go of our harsh judgments of them, we are actually forgiving ourselves, letting go of our harsh judgments of ourselves. It’s Confucius’s Law of Reciprocity. It’s a Golden Rule sort of thing. It’s the way this world of ours works. It’s all projection. People are mirrors of our thoughts. Trust me, there’s a lot of that going around.

As we forgive others, we forgive ourselves. It’s as simple and as difficult as that. Esteem others, let go of judgments and resentments and anger, forgive others for they know not what they do, among other things, and be of service to others. We get out of ourselves.

We get out of the crazy thinking in our head which makes us feel alienated and frightened. We help others. We count our blessings.

And guess what? Things get better. Life gets better. Life has greater meaning in addition to greater clarity, direction, transformation, happiness, contentment and good fortune.

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The mind and the brain are not the same. The brain is part of the body. It is an organ like other organs in the body. It is part of the material world.

The mind is not part of the material world. The mind is not housed in the brain. The mind has no specific location. It is not confined to time or space. It is unlimited in its creative power.

Our body is limited. Our body has no creative power. Our body does our mind’s bidding. It does this when it gets sick, recovers from illnesses, gets old, and dies. All of this happens first in the mind, at an unconscious level.

When our body is sick, it is our mind that has generated the problem, and, therefore, it is our mind we must look to for the solution. In other words, “Only the mind can be sick and only the mind is in need of healing.” This is a quote from “A Course In Miracles,” which presents a thought system I believe in.

The question you’re now asking yourself is: “Where is the proof upon which he bases this belief?”

When some people who are depressed are given a placebo and told it is an antidepressant, their depression goes away, including their loss of appetite, their difficulty sleeping, their impaired attention and concentration, their loss of interest in things they like to do, and their somatic problems as well, such as headaches, stomach aches, muscle tension, and other physical discomforts. How can this be?

When some people who have chronic pain are hypnotized, their pain nerve fibers in their body are still firing like crazy, but there is no perceived pain. How can this be?

When some people use hypnosis while getting root canal without anesthesia, they experience no pain. How can this be?

When some women use hypnosis to undergo C-sections to deliver their babies without anesthesia, they experience no pain. How can this be?

When some people with cancers use guided imagery to visualize cancer cells being gobbled up by an army of white blood cells, their cancers go into remission. How can this be?

When some people focus their mind using biofeedback techniques, they are able to manage their pain, lower their blood pressure, and lower their heart rate. How can this be?

When some people use affirmations and visualizations to mobilize the Law of Attraction, positive outcomes are generated in their physical world. How can this be?

The reason why all these things occur is because everything starts in the mind. The mind is the prime mover.

We create our reality from our thoughts.

Everything in the physical world is an illusion generated by the Collective Mind, including our bodies. Long ago, we hypnotized ourselves into believing that we are bodies and that our bodies can be sick and die. And then we forgot that we did this.

And so, now, we identify with our bodies. And because our bodies are frail, get diseased, get old and die, we embrace fear at the core of our unconsciousness.

From that fear comes every perception we have in the world of scarcity, lack, limitation and separation, and the need for competition and aggression as a means to survive and succeed. And from all of this comes every negative emotion we experience, including depression, anxiety, and anger.

Were we to use our conscious mind to override our negativity by replacing our fear thoughts with thoughts of unconditional love, acceptance, forgiveness, and unity, all the manifestations of our fear would go away, our mind would be restored to sanity, peace and joy, our body would be restored to perfect health, and our world would reflect abundance and prosperity.

Our ego mind, that unconscious part of our mind that houses our fear, is already telling you that this is absurd and that only a naïve fool would endorse a philosophy that love can conquer all the evils in the world.

It is reminding you that nice guys finish last, that no good deed goes unpunished, that survival of the fittest means an eye for an eye, kill or be killed, and that no one can defend themselves with love.

Certainly, as long we believe in bodies, as long as we identify with our ego mind, which is devoted to preserving the idea that bodies are real, and as long as we are unaware that everything we now see is a figment of our fear thoughts, it would be insane to not defend ourselves when we are attacked, and to not take antibiotics when we get sick.

The point is this: We must change the way we think. We must stop being victims of our bodies and realize the power of our minds to create reality.

The first step in this process is to heal our mind by letting go of judgments as best we can, by accepting others as best we can, by letting go of resentments and grievances as best we can, by forgiving others as best we can, by being of service to others as best we can, and by extending compassion and unconditional love to others as best we can.

As we do this, we will see improvements in our lives, in the form of greater happiness, well-being, and material success.

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What if the mind is the place where all illness starts? What if deeply-embedded thoughts in our unconscious mind are the stimulus, and the body generating diseases is the response? The mind gets sick, the body follows suit.

What if to truly get well we must change our mind? What if to truly get well we must change our conception of reality?

What would that entail? What would we change our mind to? In what way would we need to change our conception of reality?

We would have to appreciate that although reality looks like there are billions of individual bodies on the planet, the truth is that there is only One of us, and we are all a part of it, like a drop of water is part of the ocean.

We would have to appreciate that, despite appearances, we are not bodies, that we are Mind, One Mind, generating a collective illusion that we are separate beings.

We are not separate beings. We are One. We are all each other. Consequently, when we attack any body, we are actually attacking the One Mind, which is another way of saying that when we attack others we are actually attacking ourselves.

If we were to accept this reality construct, then one way to heal ourselves is to stop attacking others, physically, verbally, and mentally (with our judgments and resentments), and to extend unconditional compassion, acceptance and forgiveness instead.

Unconditional is the operative concept here. If we do not extend compassion, acceptance and forgiveness unconditionally, we are essentially attempting to heal ourselves with half our Mind tied behind our back.

If we do extend compassion, acceptance and forgiveness unconditionally and consistently, then we will truly reap what we sow, with physical, emotional and spiritual wellness being the end result.

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Over time, repeatedly hearing negative, judgmental messages from our Inner Critic which put ourselves down, we develop a consistently negative, cynical, and pessimistic attitude about ourselves which gets translated into self-destructive, self-sabotaging behaviors which generate setbacks, rejections, and failures in our lives.

Although neutralizing our Inner Critic is of paramount importance, it is also important that we neutralize the Inner Critic of others which directs negative, judgmental messages to us about ourselves as well.

The Inner Critic of others, which tends to be bitter, jealous, resentful and judgmental, sends us a variety of negative messages in the form of disapproving facial expressions and body language, outright verbal assaults, sarcastic, snide, demeaning comments, passive-aggressive comments, and pessimistic comments in regard to our efforts and aspirations, all of which can have an extremely negative, destructive impact on us if we are either unaware of them or are aware of them but do nothing to neutralize them.

Just as we cannot afford to let our own Inner Critic go unchecked, it is extremely important for our success and well-being that we recognize and counter the negative messages from the Inner Critics of others.

To do this we must be vigilant over the thoughts and actions of others, paying close attention to what they are saying and doing to us.

There are two approaches that are important to consider:

(1) When we recognize criticism and negativity directed to us from others, we must examine the content. If, by some chance, the criticism is legitimate, it behooves us to learn from it and make changes in our lives. This will help us succeed.

If the criticism is baseless, a function of the negativity of others, we must make sure to correct it in our mind, telling ourselves that it is not true and that we need give it no power.

(2) It might be to our benefit to say something to the other person, pointing out the judgmental negativity and/or pessimism directed towards us, and asking them to please avoid repeating such behavior in the future.

Keep in mind, however, that sometimes it’s not necessarily in our best interest to say something to the person, insofar as it could generate denial, defensiveness, anger, and aggression of an extremely abusive nature which could generate more antagonistic, destructive behaviors and possibly severe consequences that we are not prepared to deal with.

Certainly, if we say nothing, it’s not going to be fun to continue to be the recipient of negativity directed at us from others, but if we follow approach number one above and disempower the negativity of others with positive self-talk from our Inner Colleague, it is unlikely that the negativity will reinforce our potential for self-sabotage.

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People want to make the most out of their lives. Duh.

What I find fascinating is the underlying assumption that, in order to make the most out of our lives, we must attempt daring and bold feats of power and passion.

Here’s the point: What if that isn’t true?  What if “making the most out of our lives” isn’t about amassing more experiences which glorify the body and fan the flame of ego and self-satisfaction?

What if our spirit, our consciousness, our soul is immortal, invulnerable and eternal, and that our only purpose for being here is to understand that we are all One, we are all connected, that we must “love ye one another,” that there is nothing else to do, nothing else to amass, nothing else to accomplish? If that’s the case, are we really making the best use of our remaining time here by doing more rather than being more?

A BUCKET LIST IS NICE, PERHAPS A SPIRITUAL BUCKET LIST IS BETTER

I suggest that for every bucket list entry we make of something physical we wish to accomplish, we also include one entry of something spiritual we wish to achieve. So now the question becomes, “What might we put on that list?”

We might choose to engage in behaviors that could awaken us to truths that have been hidden from our consciousness by our drive for material and physical mastery and control. Perhaps:

*  A six month program of daily meditation and/or yoga.

*  A six month program of abstinence from alcohol and drugs.

*  A six month program of vegetarianism or veganism.

*  A six month program of reading spiritual, consciousness-raising materials.

We might choose to engage in behaviors that unite us rather than divide us by finding:

*  Ways to see the good in people despite the negative things they’ve done.

*  Ways to forgive people we’ve refused to forgive.

*  Ways to repair a relationship that has been damaged or broken.

Perhaps it would behoove us to put on the list:

*  Ways to be more of a role model of right action.

*  Ways to be more of an achiever of good works that promote communication, compassion, peace, cooperation, prosperity and well-being for all.

*  Ways to be more of service to others by giving our money, time and energy to the causes and needs of others without any regard for acknowledgment, thanks, compensation or consideration of any kind.

Perhaps each of us, as we compile our bucket list prior to heading off to that Great Big Google in the Sky, should remind ourselves of what Horace Mann once said: “Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.”

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Forgiving others is a compassionate thing to do. We know this. Nonetheless, oftentimes, we don’t do it. We want those who hurt us to suffer for what they did.

By withholding forgiveness we think we are punishing them, we think we are keeping them stuck in a prison of guilt and shame. But the fact is we’re just punishing ourselves in the process.

We’re prolonging our own suffering. We’re withholding from ourselves our own peace of mind. We’re keeping ourselves emotionally tormented. We’re keeping the albatross around our own neck. We are fanning the flame of our own discontentment and emotional suffering.

We’re, essentially, keeping ourselves locked in an emotional prison cell that is now of our own making. We are now victimizing ourselves long after having been victimized by our offenders.

The Power of Forgiveness

When we forgive others we free ourselves of our anger, our judgments, our grievances, our resentments, and our bitterness, all of which interfere with our present moment joy and inner peace.

When we refuse to forgive others, we relegate ourselves to living in the past and never being in the present moment, in the Eternal Now, where all the good things in life happen.

Consequently, it is always in our own best interests to forgive.

Everyone. No exceptions.

Forgiveness decreases our anger, our depression, our stress and our anxiety. We sleep better. We relate to others better. Our general attitude is more positive, optimistic, and joyful.

All of this contributes to our physical as well as emotional well-being, and maximizes our potential to attract people, places and circumstances into our lives which will propel us towards our dreams and our goals.

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We are losing our moral center. We are losing our compassion for others. Due to the severity of our economic climate, we are allowing our resentments, our anger and our fear to dictate our actions to the point of our making choices that are cruel, unloving, unjust, and, ironically, extremely short-sighted and self-destructive.

Despite it being understandable that, amidst our anger, frustration and sense of injustice, we might get pleasure from fantasy thoughts about a guy’s house burning down because he didn’t want to pay his fair share, it is unacceptable that thoughts of vengeance such as this should be acted out in the real world to the detriment of others.

Letting a house burn down out of indignation and to “teach a lesson” is an immature and infantile approach to problem solving and conflict resolution. It is an acting out behavior. It is inappropriate, unchecked aggression.

Letting a house burn down is also shortsighted. To quote Newton’s Third Law of Thermodynamics: “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.”  When we do things that are petty, petulant, impulsive and aggressive, we set into play anger, resentment, hostility and a desire for vengeance, all of which leads to more aggression, violence and wasted resources.

How can we apply this to our lives and our personal relationships? What must we do?

• We need to pay attention to our thoughts and appreciate that when we are frustrated, depressed, anxious, or angry, we aren’t going to be thinking as clearly as when we are calm and stress-free.  Should thoughts of ego, pride and vengeance occur, it is best we censor those thoughts. It is best we recognize that they are not healthy thoughts, that they are not compassionate thoughts, and that they are not who we want to be.

• We need to not act out when we become angry. We need to remind ourselves that although instant gratification of our anger and displeasure would be extremely exhilarating, aggression against others is a self-destructive tactic in the long run.

• When we perceive others as deserving of harsh judgment and punishment, we need to ask ourselves how we would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. We need to ask ourselves how we would feel if it was our own house burning down while others watched with smug, self-righteous satisfaction.

• Amidst our struggles to survive and overcome the lack and limitations in our lives, we need to recall the words of Albert Einstein: “Remember your humanity. Forget the rest.”

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Oftentimes when something is suggested to us as a possibility or we are asked if we’d like to do something, our first impulse is to say no. “I can’t… I’m too busy… It won’t work… That’s never going to happen.”

It appears to be a natural tendency for people to be doubtful, cynical, pessimistic, fatalistic, and passive. Perhaps it is born of a need for self-preservation and security. Perhaps we think that by saying no, by not pushing the envelope, by not taking risks, and by not investigating something prior to rejecting it out of hand, we are somehow going to keep ourselves safe.

Certainty, there is truth to that old expression, “Better safe than sorry.” If we don’t take risks, don’t investigate possibilities, and don’t venture forth into uncharted territory, we won’t get hurt. We won’t get disappointed. We won’t get rejected. We won’t feel the sting of failure.

However, the way I see it, sometimes safe equals sorry, in the sense that regret is one of the greatest sorrows and burdens to bear as we grow older.

To have had the opportunity to try something new and to not have done it or to believe that there was potential for us to achieve something great and to have allowed the ultimate naysayer in our mind to discourage us, can leave us with a haunting regret that no sense of safety can soothe.

Truth be told, who’s to say that safe is actually safe? Sometimes doing nothing is a decision that can lead to greater insecurity, frustration, and disappointment, insofar as sometimes passiveness, inertia, apathy, negativity, resistance, and procrastination can leave us in the dust as the future rushes past us and we’re left scrambling for crumbs.

It’s easy to say no. Everybody does it. You’ll be in good company. You’ll never be lonely for the companionship of the mundane and mediocre.

It’s not easy to say yes. It takes courage. It takes the willingness to coexist with uncertainty and be okay with it. Should our efforts not yield the hoped-for results, we still pat ourselves on the back for being an activist and not a passive-ist, for being proactive and not reactive, for being at cause and not at effect in the making of our world.

Bottom line: Don’t be so quick to say no. Don’t be so quick to reject opportunities and possibilities. We needn’t be impulsive and reckless in our commitment to open-mindedness and new frontiers. We just need to keep our eyes open as we venture forth.

If our path takes us into shadows, we remind ourselves that love is the light that dispels the darkness of fear.

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Check out my blog on letting go of the guilt, shame and pain of the past as well as the depression, anxiety and fear of the future:

http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/2010/09/self-help-101-be-here-now/

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