Anger is a signal device to inform that there is a perceived threat. In relationships, anger is used to emotionally beat up the other person. Best that anger be channeled into calm, effective communication of one’s concerns so that problems can be resolved in such a way that the needs of all parties are addressed and met.

Forgive To Win!

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Unity is a very important theme. It is critical to the resolution of the many problems facing our nation and our world today because without it we will never be able to engage the necessary solutions.

In this election year it’s painfully clear that there are many people with many differences. Many needs. Many perspectives. Many polarities.  Many grievances. Many resentments. Many biases. Many prejudices.  A great deal of intolerance. A great deal of hostility. A great deal of rage and aggression.

We have forgotten who we are. We have forgotten that we originally all came from one Source. We all came from a place of Unity, a place of Universal Acceptance and Love. And then we fell into a dream of separation, a dream of selfish egos competing with each other rather than cooperating, attacking each other rather than living in harmony.

We have lost our way. We have lost our universal identity as a brotherhood of people. So caught up in the distinction of skin color, races and nations, we have lost our true connection with God. And now, amidst all the chaos, the confusion, the rage and the hate, we must find our way Home. We must find a way to re-unite with God and each other before we destroy ourselves. How do we do this?

How do we unify amidst so much divisiveness and venom?

It surely would be a whole lot easier and happen a whole lot faster if we had leaders who made acceptance, forgiveness and love the platform of their party, the priority above all other priorities, the glue holding together their political agenda.

Unfortunately, that’s not what’s happening. When I listen to the various presidential candidates all I hear is what they’re going to do for us. Right now it’s the Republicans, but later it will be the Democrats doing the very same thing, everybody telling us what they’re going to do for us.

No one telling us what WE need to do for us, what you and I, what we the people need to do for ourselves if we want to truly solve our problems. If we want a world where people cooperate and co-exist in harmony, peace and prosperity, we must appreciate that it won’t happen at the level of nations and leaders.

It will happen from the ground up. It will happen first with the choices that WE make, you and I, each and every one of us. The choices we make to be more tolerant, more accepting, more loving, more forgiving, and more generous.

Easier said than done amidst so much anger, grievance, resentment and judgment swirling all around us, so many of us seeing the differences in people rather than the similarities, seeing others as the enemy if they don’t think the same way we do. If they have a different god or a different religion or a different political persuasion, if they’re too far to the left or too far to the right, we don’t just disagree, we demonize them, we label them evil and dangerous, they’re going to destroy America.

All this fear mongering, all this demonizing has got to stop. It solves nothing. It further polarizes people. It makes things worse.

Bottom line: There are too many people with divergent views and needs. For any of us to take extreme intransigent positions and expect the rest of the nation to get on board is unrealistic and counterproductive. We will never have a nation where everyone thinks the same way. We must find common ground amidst the differences. We must find ways to cooperate, compromise and negotiate for the greatest good of all concerned.

How do we do this? One person at a time. One mind at a time. One heart at a time. We do it by example. By role modeling right action. Albert Schweitzer had it right when he said, “Example is leadership.”

Example is leadership.

We cannot rely on our leaders to be the examples of right action. We must be the example. We must be the role models. We must each of us make the personal commitment to discourage the fear-mongering,  the demonizing, the rageful, hate speech about those who don’t share our beliefs.

If we don’t do it, it’s not going to happen. All the divisiveness will defeat us in the long run. Not global warming. Not earthquakes and tsunamis. Not nuclear  weapons. Not terrorists. Our divisiveness will defeat us.

We are the enemy of ourselves when we lack tolerance and compassion, and lash out at those we disagree with. True patriotism means respecting our fellow citizens regardless of their political viewpoints or religious beliefs.

We have been trained to believe in concepts like “every man for himself,” and “kill or be killed” which suggest that we must compete and battle others if we are to succeed and prevail. We have been trained to believe that aggression is necessary in order to survive.

The truth is that we do not need aggression in order to survive. The truth is that we will not prevail, in the long run, as long as we believe we must attack and subjugate others in order to win.

Most people think that “survival of the fittest” means survival of the strongest, the most aggressive, the most violent and predatory. They are wrong. Survival of the fittest in the final analysis will be survival of the spiritually fittest, survival of those who strive to unite rather than divide, survival of those who strive to let go of judgments and prejudices, survival of those who strive to embrace acceptance and tolerance, survival of those who are dedicated to the application of compassion, generosity and forgiveness.

The meek shall inherit the earth.

“The meek shall inherit the earth” doesn’t mean the weak shall inherit the earth. It means those who are humble, accepting and forgiving shall inherit the earth, those who embrace peaceful methods to solve problems, to bridge divergent ideologies, and to find the common ground shall inherit the earth.

We will not survive as a nation, as a people, as a planet unless we recognize that the solution to all of our problems requires a unified approach that embraces trust, compassion and cooperation rather than further entrenchment in the ideology of war and destruction of others as a means to our peace and prosperity.

There is great beauty in the diversity of nature. There is great beauty in the diversity of human beings. But instead of appreciating that diversity and glorifying it, we fear it, we blame it, we scapegoat it, we destroy it… and in the process we destroy ourselves. Sooner or later we destroy ourselves with our fear and our divisiveness. Therefore, it behooves us to find a way to rise above the battlefield, to perceive the world in a different light, so that we can appreciate the foolishness of attacking others.

One way to do this is to consider the analogy of a jigsaw puzzle. Each jigsaw puzzle piece looks different in some way from other pieces, but each piece is inherently the same, in the sense that each piece is an integral part of the puzzle that contributes to the puzzle’s wholeness. Without every single piece, the puzzle is not complete.

It would be irrational and self-destructive for one puzzle piece to hurt or destroy another puzzle piece because the integrity of the whole puzzle, which each piece is ultimately dependent upon, would be damaged in the process.

We are all puzzle pieces. Each of us looks different but we’re all the same. Each of us a piece of the puzzle, a piece of the total picture, a piece of God. When we attack one another, we are being irrational and self-destructive because we are attacking the integrity of the whole organism, we are attacking the Oneness which each of us is a part of.  We are essentially attacking God when we attack any of his children.

And so it behooves us to appreciate the Oneness of Life, that despite differences and diversity, we are all the same, that we were all cut from the same cloth, that we are all part of the whole, that we are all interconnected, that we were all created by God and deserve equally all the blessings of life that God offers, that we need to share our blessings with others, that we need to care about those less fortunate than ourselves, that there is one thing we need to do above all else and that is to treat others as we wish to be treated.

Love ye one another.

This is how we will unify our nation and our world. With love. With acceptance. With tolerance and with forgiveness. This is what we must practice and preach. Love. Acceptance. Tolerance and Forgiveness. This is how we must behave towards each other. This is the behavior we need to role model for our children. Unconditional love, acceptance, tolerance and forgiveness.

We must teach our children well. We must teach our children to recognize their spiritual brothers and sisters in everyone they see, regardless of what they look like, what clothes they are wearing, what country they came from, the color of their skin, the language they speak, or the God they believe in.

We must teach our children and everyone we meet the virtues of generosity, courtesy, consideration, humility and grace.  We must teach our children and everyone we meet to be of service to others, to aid others as best we can, to ask the question, “How can I help you?” rather than “What’s in it for me?”

We must  teach our children and everyone we meet  to find ways to let go of anger and hurt, to see the God in people, the good in people, despite how they’re behaving, to find ways to hate the sin but love the sinner.

We must teach our children and everyone we meet that there is a oneness, there is a wholeness of which we are all a part, that we are all inextricably bound together, that we each have a responsibility to each other, that we ARE our brother’s keeper, that we must exclude no one from our love, that we’re all in this together, that nobody wins if anybody loses.

In this election year and the years to come, try to remember that it is our job not to elect leaders but to BE leaders, to be the role models that our world needs to survive and to thrive. It is our job to find the similarities, the commonalities rather than the differences. It is our job to find ways to unify rather than divide. It is our job to remember that either we all hang together or we will surely hang separately.

Forgive To Win!

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All the candidates on both sides of the aisle tell us what they’re going to do for us. They’re going to lower taxes, and they’re going to create new jobs, and they’re going to… blah blah blah… but what they don’t tell us is what we need to do for ourselves, and what they, as leaders, should be doing as well: stop all the fear-mongering, stop all the demonizing, stop all the rageful, hate speech about those who don’t share the same beliefs. All this divisiveness is what will defeat us in the long run, not global warming, nuclear weapons, or terrorists. We are the enemy of the people when we lack tolerance and compassion, and lash out at those we disagree with. True patriotism means respecting our fellow citizens regardless of their viewpoints and beliefs.

Forgive To Win!

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I don’t know what your plan is for 2012, but this is my plan.  Read it over and see if it makes sense to you.

OK, this year is going to be my first, full year of consciously being loving and forgiving to everyone I possibly can be, forgiving myself when I slip up, learning from my mistakes and doing better the next time.  I AM happy now, but I want to be successful in all of the different areas of my life, and I now know that the way to get there is by being truly helpful to others.

Being truly helpful to others means, to me, to help others become successful in all areas of their lives, too, but not by putting “the cart before the horse,”  thinking that the way to become happy is to first achieve success of one form or another.  Albert Schweitzer said, “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.”  I think he was correct.

I will teach that “the key to happiness is forgiveness” of yourself …by first loving and forgiving others.  And I will benefit because I learn whatever I teach!  To be truly helpful, I must also talk to people, developing a relationship with them, thus helping them get to know, like and trust me, and to treat each person as the individual he/she is.  It is a principle, an eternal truth, that everyone must first forgive in order to be happy, to be truly happy, yet I also realize that everyone has different pasts and presents and different things and people that need to be forgiven.

It is necessary in all of my efforts to be truly helpful to not have a personal agenda, thinking about how someone can help me get what I want because of what I give them. Two reasons to not have a personal agenda come to my mind.  One, the other person will pick up on it and not want my help, and second, my own subconscious will pick up on it, too, and continue to sabotage my success.  Not having a personal agenda is  like “walking-a-tightrope” kind-of-thing to me, and I have been finding it takes practice and time to get better, to not become discouraged and give up too early.  I will continue to meditate on the “Slight Edge” philosophy of success in life.

A crucial factor, I believe, in eliminating my personal agenda is in trusting a Higher Power, The Power, the Power of Love,  whatever you want to call It, to arrange all of the things in my life to “work together for good” when I demonstrate my love to this Power by loving and forgiving all people, individually, with no exclusions.  I haven’t gotten there yet, but just by honestly attempting to do this, I have found that my subconscious mind gives me credit for my attempts and stops its sabotaging ways.

However, this is not the way I have been taught to become successful.  I have been taught to trust in my own efforts and in my own intelligence.  I have been taught that “if it’s to be, it’s up to me.”  Well, now I believe that I have a Controlling Partner in my life Who wants to help me in achieving happiness and success, not that I can sit by and do nothing, either.  It really is a partnership.

Being truly helpful isn’t about helping others accumulate more “things” that are destined not to produce happiness for them, but  helping others to realize who they really are and exactly how to get the happiness they long for by “paying it forward.”  It has been said, “We get what we give in life,” not the other way around as we may have been taught, deliberately or otherwise.

As Zig Ziglar once said, “You can have everything in life that you want if you just give enough other people what they want.”  And basically, what does everyone really want? Happiness, right?  So, first, I will teach people what it takes to be happy.  Then, and only then, can I help them become successful.

Yes, people can become “successful” and not be happy, and we all probably have known such people, but why would anyone want that scenario in life?  Why not be happy AND also be successful if you have the choice?

Finally, I am not, and neither will I be, worried or concerned about my needs and desires.  I  just know and have faith that they will be taken care of by Someone Who cares for me more than I do for myself, and has promised that “all things work together for good” when I love Him and His creations, my brothers and sisters on this planet.

– Bob Turrou

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The Law of Attraction doesn’t work for most people because despite what they consciously strive for, despite what thoughts they keep in the forefront of their conscious mind, despite all their proactivity, practice, persistence and perseverance, they have an unconscious program of self-sabotage that is running the game and keeping all of life’s goodies that they desire at arm’s length.

The solution to this problem is to eliminate the self-sabotaging behaviors by eliminating what’s causing them: unconscious guilt, shame, and self-loathing. How do we do this? By loving and forgiving ourselves. How do we do this? By loving and forgiving others. How do we do this? By consciously focusing on acceptance, tolerance, generosity, graciousness, gratitude, compassion, forgiveness, estimable acts of kindness and service to others.

As we engage in these behaviors as best we can, unconditionally and without exception, every day and in every way possible, we send the message to our subconscious mind that we are good enough, that we are worthy of reward not punishment, and our subconscious mind then puts an end to the inner critic that influences us to sabotage ourselves, and it directs the Law of Attraction to work for us rather than against us, and we begin to manifest the life we desire.

Forgive To Win!

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Many people are afraid to go after their dreams, to take action, to implement…. out of fear that they will fail, look stupid, feel shamed, and have to acknowledge that they weren’t good enough… Bottom line: You won’t know if you don’t go. Yes you may strike out and that would be painful, but you’ve got no chance of hitting a home run unless you step up to the plate. The other consideration: It is the doing, the process, that makes one a success and that opens the doors to all sorts of possibilities we never could have imagined. Seek not to deprive yourself of personal fulfillment by letting fear, insecurity and self-doubt get in the way of your self-expression. Go forth with joy and gratitude, and take your best shot.

On an entirely different note: I am on Day 4 of the ACIM Workbook For Students: “These thoughts do not mean anything. They are like the things I see in this room.” … The point being: The thoughts we think, perceived as either “good” or “bad”, are actually masking or blocking our True Thoughts. They are a meaningless smokescreen designed by our ego, born of fear, to maintain the belief in separation. Insofar as the things we see are a projection of our thoughts, since we’re not really thinking, we’re not really seeing. Only when our Mind is grounded in Unity, Oneness, and Unconditional Love, Forgiveness, and Acceptance will we actually see the Real World with all of its miraculous beauty and eternal peacefulness.

For those of you who view the above paragraph as too far out there… understood. A Course In Miracles is not for everyone. It’s not an easy read. It’s not an easy program to master, which is why I wrote my book, Forgive To Win!, which shares the core concepts of the Course but explains them in ways that are easier for most people to understand and apply. I encourage you to take a look at the book on Amazon where you can peek inside. Additionally, if you subscribe to my free newsletter you can download a free chapter from the book on Self-Loathing & Self-Sabotage.

Which brings me back to the initial paragraph I wrote about going after your dreams and taking action: When we learn how to love ourselves and forgive ourselves – the crux of A Course In Miracles and Forgive To Win!, we eliminate the unconscious self-sabotaging programming getting in the way of our happiness, our relationships, our physical well-being, our success, our prosperity and our inner peace.

When we meld tools of self-mastery with humanistic choices as to how we perceive and treat others, there are no limits, there is nothing we can’t accomplish. It is not simply faith that moves mountains. It is forgiveness, acceptance and love. Hold these thoughts in your mind as much as you can, as best you can, wherever you are and under all circumstances, regardless of how others are behaving, without conditions or exceptions — and watch your world get better.

No joke. No lie. It works if you work it: Change your Mind. Change your Life. Change your World.

Peace, joy and blessings to you all!

Forgive To Win!

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Most of us don’t get what we want in our lives because we sabotage ourselves: We procrastinate. We resist. We don’t follow through. We don’t do the things that we know are in our best interests. The end result is a life of unfulfillment and disappointment. It doesn’t have to be that way. When we eliminate the guilt, shame, and self-loathing deeply-embedded in our unconscious mind which generate our self-destructive, self-defeating behaviors, our world changes for the better: We start attracting people and circumstances that cooperate with our goals and propel us towards the manifestation of all our hopes and dreams. The way to eliminate our guilt, shame, and self-loathing is to esteem ourselves and forgive ourselves. The way to esteem ourselves and forgive ourselves is to esteem and forgive others. Forgive To Win!’s Forgiveness Diet is a structured program that teaches us how to do this. It’s not complicated. And it works! By consistently practicing a daily regimen of thoughts, actions and exercises devoted to accepting, forgiving and being of service to others, our self-esteem increases, our self-sabotaging behaviors decrease, and we experience greater opportunities and more positive outcomes in all realms of our lives. http://amzn.to/v4Xx1q

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I’ve been asked why I’m passionate about teaching forgiveness. It’s because all religious, spiritual and metaphysical roads I’ve traveled have led me here, to this one Truth borrowed from A Course In Miracles: I forgive others for my own peace of mind.

In my late twenties I read the Bible, the Old and New Testament, for the first time. Although I was impressed with the transformation of God’s consciousness from the Old Testament God of anger, judgment, vengeance and war to the New Testament God of peace, love, acceptance, charity and forgiveness, I was more impressed with the implications of several thought-provoking Biblical comments:

(1) From the Book of Matthew: He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

If the above-passage is an accurate quote from Jesus of the Christ, that’s pretty awesome and powerful. “Nothing will be impossible for you.” That’s not a vague and ambiguous assertion. That’s a description of how Reality Manifestation works. That’s the Secret right there. That’s the Law of Attraction, the Law of Abundance. The power of the Mind to transcend time and transform space, and thereby create the reality of one’s choosing! “Nothing will be impossible for you.” Wow. I like the sound of that. And I find it hard to believe that Jesus of the Christ was exaggerating. His word was his bond.

(2) From the Book of Mark: “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” I don’t take the word “rich” literally here. I believe what was meant instead of rich is the word greedy. “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a greedy man to enter the kingdom of God.”

Greed is of the ego. Greed is about competition and separation rather than cooperation and unity. Greed is about judgment, aggression and unforgiveness, not acceptance, tolerance and harmony. Greed is not of God and if you really want to get to God and Heaven and the Garden of Eden, or whatever else you understand to be a place of eternal, unconditional peace, compassion and joy, then be of Service to Others. Help others. If you’ve got two coats, give one away to a needy brother.

3) From the Book of Matthew: “Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.”

Meek doesn’t mean weak. Meek doesn’t mean wimpy. Meek doesn’t mean sucker or chump. Meek means those who are gentle, those who are non-violent, those who are compassionate, those who are accepting of others, those who are unconditionally forgiving. “Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth.” The implication of this being that those who seek peace through violence and murder are not blessed and will inherit the wind.

4) From the book of Matthew: “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”  This is very clear. The message is basically that if you walk a righteous, honest and forgiving path, you will get the life that you want. You’ll get the goodies. First be a person of integrity. First be of service to others. First let go of anger, fear, judgment and attack. First forgive. And then “all these things will be added to you.” In other words: You win. You Forgive To Win!

5) From the Book of John: “I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.” In other words, All these things that I have done, you can do and more if you have faith in me, if you follow my principles of forgiveness, acceptance, and love. That’s the ticket. There’s the message again: Want to do 22 impossible things before breakfast? First seek the kingdom of heaven. First be a person of honor. And then with your faith you’ll move mountains, and all things will come to you.

Why? Because when we get our mind focused on Forgiveness, Acceptance and Love, this removes the obstacles to the natural flow of abundance and prosperity which is available in infinite amounts to everyone.

So that’s my New Year’s resolution:  To first seek the kingdom of heaven. To first be a person of honor. To forgive. To accept. To love. As best I can. As unconditionally as I can. Wherever I am. Without exceptions. Without expectations. Without the need for appreciation or acknowledgment.

To have forgiveness, teach forgiveness to learn it.

Forgive To Win!

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1. Always see the glass as half full instead of half empty. Always look for what’s positive and for the blessings in disguise.

2. Music soothes the soul. When stressed out, listen to calm and pleasing music to relax your mind and body.

3. Smile and laugh a lot. Smiling and laughter generate endorphins and promote positive feelings in others as well as oneself.

4. Devote time to inspirational reading which can uplift your spirit, increase your wisdom, elevate your energy and help put your life into healthy focus.

5. Be kind to yourself. Do nice things for yourself that are nurturing and loving to mind, body and spirit.

6. Eliminate negativity. Choose not to dwell on thoughts of envy, jealousy, judgment and resentment.

7. Keep good company. Avoid toxic people, places and circumstances.

About the author: Ellen Spencer is a blogger by profession. She loves writing on health and lifestyle. Beside this, she loves traveling and exploring new places. Recently she shared an article on parenthood.

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Really cool spreecast I recorded with Dr. Aymee Coget. We talked about forgiveness, happiness, success, belief systems, ego, Forgive To Win! It’s about 35 minutes long but the time flies by. A lot of good information and passion. Check it out! Share it with a friend.

Forgive and Succeed in Life – How to be Happy with Dr Aymee

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