Unity is a very important theme. It is critical to the resolution of the many problems facing our nation and our world today because without it we will never be able to engage the necessary solutions.

In this election year it’s painfully clear that there are many people with many differences. Many needs. Many perspectives. Many polarities.  Many grievances. Many resentments. Many biases. Many prejudices.  A great deal of intolerance. A great deal of hostility. A great deal of rage and aggression.

We have forgotten who we are. We have forgotten that we originally all came from one Source. We all came from a place of Unity, a place of Universal Acceptance and Love. And then we fell into a dream of separation, a dream of selfish egos competing with each other rather than cooperating, attacking each other rather than living in harmony.

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All the candidates on both sides of the aisle tell us what they’re going to do for us. They’re going to lower taxes, and they’re going to create new jobs, and they’re going to… blah blah blah… but what they don’t tell us is what we need to do for ourselves, and what they, as leaders, should be doing as well: stop all the fear-mongering, stop all the demonizing, stop all the rageful, hate speech about those who don’t share the same beliefs. All this divisiveness is what will defeat us in the long run, not global warming, nuclear weapons, or terrorists. We are the enemy of the people when we lack tolerance and compassion, and lash out at those we disagree with. True patriotism means respecting our fellow citizens regardless of their viewpoints and beliefs.

Forgive To Win!

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The volatility of the stock market in recent months, from one day to the next, indicates to me that people are overreacting to information that is received on a daily basis to such a degree that they make impulsive buying and selling decisions that have little to do with the long-term financial reality they are facing. The same is true of people in general. We tend to behave in similar impulsive ways in our lives, our careers and our relationships. We act first and then later think about what we did, rather than taking the time to think first, to look at the bigger picture, to look at all the implications and possible consequences of our actions.

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In politics, people don’t play fair. When we don’t like a politician, we will find any excuse to attack the person. We will use anything that person says or does as an opportunity to vilify or blame them in some way.

We will distort what was said or done. We will twist the truth. In most cases, we’re not even aware that we’re doing it.

Filled with self-righteous bile and bias, with rage and resentment, our perception of reality becomes distorted without our knowing it and despite how intelligent we might be, to the point of our honestly believing that our judgments are justified and that our outrage is reasonable.

Although this appears to be the nature of the beast as far as politics is concerned, when this happens with our partners and where our goal is a sustainable, long-term relationship, this type of behavior is highly destructive.

Here’s how works: Let’s say we are angry at our partner for something that was done days, weeks, months or perhaps even years ago. Either the perceived offense was never discussed or it was never resolved to our satisfaction such that a powerful resentment has been smoldering and festering under the surface. We are angry and in an attack mode, and we don’t even know it.

Subsequently, when our partner says or does something that is fairly innocuous and inconsequential, it is distorted by our anger and resentments such that we perceive what they’ve said or done as one more unloving attack upon us, one more act of selfishness and inconsideration, which provides us with the justification, in our mind, to go ballistic on them, which is what we do.

We give them both barrels. We spew our rage and venom. We call them names and do everything we can to guilt and shame them.

Our partner, having no clue where our rage is coming from, unaware that we are fuming over something that happened sometime in the past, and knowing that they have done nothing inconsiderate or unloving in the present moment, gets defensive and angry at having been unfairly attacked.

We then take their reaction as one more example of their unwillingness to own what they have done, admit when they are wrong, and apologize for their bad behavior, not yet realizing that we are completely in the wrong and out of our mind.

Obviously, this scenario can’t help but weaken the relationship and possibly damage it beyond repair. The take-home lesson here isn’t all that tricky:

Best that we not harbor resentments towards our partner. Best that we bring our grievances to the table and not sweep them under the rug.

If we have a problem with something that they’ve said or done, we should address it when it happens and make every effort to resolve it.

If our attempts at communication fail, our grievance falls on deaf ears, and our partner is unwilling to validate our position such that compromise and reconciliation remain elusive, it behooves us to either continue the discussion at a later date and hope it can be resolved at that time when tempers have subsided and both parties have had a chance to think about the issue, or to let the issue go.

If we choose to let it go, we truly have to do that. We have to accept our partner’s flaws and the relationship’s limitations without anger or resentment. If we can’t do this, we will likely repeat our behavior of picking fights with our partner and venting our anger towards them inappropriately.

Eventually, the relationship is likely to crumble. Should it manage to survive, it will surely be an unpleasant journey.

CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG, HEARTS & MINDS, AT: http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/

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Glenn Beck has the right idea about focusing on God. Unfortunately, he is going about it the wrong way.

By that I mean: Yesterday at his Restoring Honor rally he spoke of uniting people in God. Tomorrow, however, he will broadcast on radio and TV a message of judgment and attack, utilizing labels that diminish those he disagrees with, encourage divisiveness and generate anger and aggression in his followers.

This is counterproductive to what he says his God intention is.

YOU CAN’T SERVE TWO MASTERS

Rather than judging and attacking his brothers and sisters who he believes are misguided and/or evil, if he truly wants to unite rather than divide, and welcome God into everyone’s mind, then he needs to find a way to see the good in everyone despite how they’re behaving.

He needs to tailor his message so as to gently guide people to the truth of God and Love, and in so doing help them make better choices.

God is Love. Love is unconditional. There can be no exclusions or exceptions.

Contrary to what many people think, God does not take sides. This is an interpretation of the ego. It is not the reality of God.

God does not love some people and hate others. God does not welcome some people into heaven and banish others to hell. We must discard these old, tired concepts of an angry, vengeful God who smites enemies and curses people with plagues and misfortune.

This God is not real. There is but one God and he loves us all, even those who are deeply disturbed and degenerate.

Glenn Beck said that his Restoring Honor rally was about God and not politics. That’s good. Honor and God go together. Honor and politics do not. People may think they do, but that is another con of the ego mind that wants to keep this world inflamed and confused.

Bottom line: It’s not going to be particularly effective to have one symbolic day devoted to rallying behind God, if the rest of the time we are in a judgment and attack mode.

If Glenn Beck wants his vision of God and the restoration of honor to take hold in this country it would be best that he put aside his politics of fear and hate.

P.S. CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG, HEARTS & MINDS, AT: http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/

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The tea party movement is not something that was cooked up overnight. It is the result of many years of disappointment, anger, fear, frustration, and resentment.

Our government (more specifically, the political parties running our government, our country, and our planet into the ground) mired in waste, corruption, abuse, and selfish special interests, unresponsive to the growing anger and angst of the American people, and not taking the American people’s discontentment seriously enough to change its behavior, created a pressure cooker, of sorts, whereby the pent-up frustrations and sense of powerlessness exploded onto the political landscape in the form of a radical rather than a more moderate solution.

However positive aspects of the tea party movement may be, there are elements of its rhetoric and ideology which are aggressive, divisive, radical and reactionary in various respects, and which are, consequently, not necessarily in the nation’s best interests in the long run.

The same scenario occurs in personal relationships. If there are grievances in the relationship — with partners feeling that their needs are not being met and that there is no effective means for communication and change — anger and resentments will build to the point where extreme situations are generated which are usually impulsive, aggressive, and counterproductive to the  repair and well-being of the relationship.

For example, one partner may have an affair. One partner may become emotionally or physically abusive. Accidents may happen in cars when partners are screaming at each other while driving. Accidents may occur in the home when partners are distracted and imbalanced by their stress and their anger.

It is a fact that stress and anger suppress the immune system, make people more susceptible to illness, and make it harder for people to recover from illness, all of which behooves us to consider the possibility of our pent-up anger and stress generating cancers, heart disease, and strokes.

In summary, when our relationships are suffering, best not to wait for an extreme or catastrophic development before taking action. Best not to have a crisis be our wake-up call to pay attention to the relationship.

Best we recognize problems as they develop and address grievances in an effective way such that the relationship gets stronger and endures the test of time.

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Making amends is the process of correcting an error and rectifying a wrong. It is a very important part of the social contract because, above all else, it is the right thing to do. It does, however, have other perks.

It has the potential to build character, self-respect, and self-esteem, to resolve resentments, and to restore trust, all of which can lead to greater well-being for the individual and society.

Unfortunately, there is an unwillingness on the part of many people to address past errors and correct them.  Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig’s recent decision, to not correct the obvious umpire error that cost Armando Galarraga his perfect game, speaks to this issue.

From what I understand, one of the reasons Commissioner Selig refused to reverse the incorrect call at first base was because, if he did so, it would lead to any number of requests from other people to correct other past errors as well. This would require the commitment of a great deal of time, money and energy, which is something Commissioner Selig was not inclined to do.

This reminded me of President Obama’s decision, when he came into office, to not prosecute past transgressions of the Bush Administration because he preferred to focus his attention on the future and not get bogged down with the past.

Neither of these decisions by the Commissioner and the President constitute wise choices, insofar as they minimize the importance of championing truth and justice regardless of how unpleasant or inconvenient it might be to do so. Additionally, they represent extremely poor role-modeling.

In 12-Step programs, making amends is an important part of the healing process. When a recovering alcoholic reaches out to those he has injured in the past, apologizes for his bad behavior, and makes amends as best as he can, it removes shame and guilt, it helps him to clear away the wreckage of his past, it helps him to rebuild self-esteem and self-respect, and it has the potential to heal his relationships as well.

All of the above is true, whether one is a recovering alcoholic or not. When we have committed an injustice against another, it is our responsibility and our salvation to make amends, to repair the situation, and to make things right as best we can.

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