A former patient of mine thanked me recently for helping her develop tools to communicate more effectively with her husband and resolve the difficulties in their relationship. She mentioned that they still have their ups and downs, but she is able to effectively navigate the rough waters when they occur. She then shared this story that had happened a few days earlier:

I was walking on the street in the rain, contemplating an argument I had just had with my husband, trying to sort it all out and find resolution and peace.

The gutter next to me was full of leaves, blocking water from flowing into the drain. It made me think of love and obstacles in its way, how love can be blocked. I thought of the water as love and leaves as baggage keeping it from flowing its course.

As I was walking, the rain began to get heavier. Then I heard something… water running next to me… I looked… and I saw all the leaves being carried by the influx of water. The blockage had broken and the water was running free.

I stood still and understood. Love is like that water. With too little, it gets caught up in baggage, but if you give it more, you give it power to flow. I knew what I needed to do to resolve the problem with my husband. It worked.

Love never fails.

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We tend to treat strangers, acquaintances and co-workers better than our loved ones. We tend to take our loved ones for granted and treat them in inconsiderate and unloving ways. When in a disagreement, we tend to automatically react rather than stopping and taking the time to see if we can look at the situation differently and respond in a way that is validating and loving even if we disagree.

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Self Assessment scales are used in the Forgiveness Diet to demonstrate areas of needed improvement and to document the reduction in self sabotaging behaviors and the increase in self-actualizing behaviors. For more info, read the Amazon Best Seller, Forgive To Win!, by psychiatrist, speaker, author and forgiveness expert, Walter E Jacobson, MD. http://forgivetowin.com

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It is my belief in illusions that makes them real. So hypnotized with the belief that I am a body born to die, so identified with my ego, an invention of my frightened Mind, I have forgotten who I really Am: Pure Consciousness. Eternal Spirit. Immortal and invulnerable. With the power of Love within me to create reality. With the power of love within me to move mountains, to turn water into wine, to fill endless barrels with bread and fish, to heal the sick and raise the dead.

http://forgivetowin.com

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Anger is a signal device to inform that there is a perceived threat. In relationships, anger is used to emotionally beat up the other person. Best that anger be channeled into calm, effective communication of one’s concerns so that problems can be resolved in such a way that the needs of all parties are addressed and met.

Forgive To Win!

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Most of us don’t get what we want in our lives because we sabotage ourselves: We procrastinate. We resist. We don’t follow through. We don’t do the things that we know are in our best interests. The end result is a life of unfulfillment and disappointment. It doesn’t have to be that way. When we eliminate the guilt, shame, and self-loathing deeply-embedded in our unconscious mind which generate our self-destructive, self-defeating behaviors, our world changes for the better: We start attracting people and circumstances that cooperate with our goals and propel us towards the manifestation of all our hopes and dreams. The way to eliminate our guilt, shame, and self-loathing is to esteem ourselves and forgive ourselves. The way to esteem ourselves and forgive ourselves is to esteem and forgive others. Forgive To Win!’s Forgiveness Diet is a structured program that teaches us how to do this. It’s not complicated. And it works! By consistently practicing a daily regimen of thoughts, actions and exercises devoted to accepting, forgiving and being of service to others, our self-esteem increases, our self-sabotaging behaviors decrease, and we experience greater opportunities and more positive outcomes in all realms of our lives. http://amzn.to/v4Xx1q

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Today, for 24 hours only, when you order this extraordinary, life-changing book, you will receive 150 FREE BONUS GIFTS WORTH THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS from people like myself who have partnered with me on this book launch and believe in the power of Forgive To Win! to help you transform your life and manifest your destiny!

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Why I Wrote Forgive To Win!

I wrote Forgive To Win! because during my many years helping people as a board-certified psychiatrist, I realized that the cause of most people’s unhappiness, depression, anxiety, anger, and frustration with their health, their relationships, their career and their finances is self-sabotage.

Most people get in their own way. They don’t do things they know they need to do and when they do take action they make poor choices that impact negatively on their lives and keep them from attracting and manifesting all that they desire and aspire to accomplish.

When I started teaching my patients the secret to ending their self-sabotaging behaviors (spiritual techniques and cognitive tools designed to increase self-esteem and eliminate guilt, shame and self-loathing deeply embedded in the unconscious mind), their emotional turmoil subsided and their lives got better!

I realized that the Forgiveness Diet, my structured 90-day program for ending self-sabotage, was something that could benefit a great many people, particularly those who repeatedly buy self-help books but don’t get the results that they desire.

My Forgiveness Diet is not complicated. And it works! With diligent practice and persistence, you can:

Be successful in your career.

Generate wealth & prosperity.

Be successful in your relationships.

Generate love and harmony.

Increase self-confidence.

Eliminate fear and worry.

Be happy and healthy.

Lose weight. Keep weight off.

Get in shape.

Live long and live well.

When you re-program your mind to neutralize your negative, harsh Inner Critic, that voice inside yourself that subconsciously causes you to sabotage your opportunities and best efforts, EVERYTHING CHANGES!

Opportunities miraculously appear. Positive people are attracted to you who cooperate with you, share their blessings, and help you to succeed and prosper! There are NO LIMITS to what you can accomplish with Forgive To Win!”

As you engage in the Forgiveness Diet to eliminate your self-sabotaging behaviors and manifest the life you desire and deserve, you role model right-minded actions for others, you transform others, and you help to move the whole of humanity towards universal peace and prosperity. That’s serious icing on the cake, my friends.

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In April, Senator Jon Kyl lied to the United States Senate and the American people when he said, “If you want an abortion, you go to Planned Parenthood, and that’s well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does.”

The truth is that abortions are a very minimal part of what Planned Parenthood does.

Senator Kyl lied because he wanted to influence the Senate to eliminate funding to Planned Parenthood and he felt his argument would have greater impact if he distorted the facts.

Last week, President Obama gave a speech in regard to immigration reform and misrepresented the facts when he said “… we need to not get — have amnesia about how we populated this country.” He made reference to the Bible and encouraged Americans “to look at that migrant farmer and see our own grandfather disembarking at Ellis Island or Angel Island in San Francisco Bay.”

He was attempting to make a link between the immigrants who come into our country today and the immigrants who came into our country a century ago and helped build our nation. The truth is that the immigrants who came into our country back then entered legally, in sharp distinction to the many who cross our borders today.

President Obama misrepresented the truth because he wanted to influence Americans to support the path to citizenship he wants to integrate into his Immigration Reform bill and he felt his argument would have greater impact if he distorted the facts.

The ends do not justify the means

Before I go further, allow me to clarify my position on these two hotly-contested topics. In my opinion, to get rid of Planned Parenthood because of the small amount of work it does that is related to abortions would essentially amount to, ironically, throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

And not providing a path to citizenship for those who have struggled and labored for the benefit of our nation for decades, regardless of how they got here in the first place, would be shameful and would be the antithesis of what our nation stands for, which is decency and fairness.

What I object to is the approach Senator Kyl and President Obama have taken which is essentially to win an argument by whatever means necessary. Our nation suffers whenever we see prominent leaders and spokesmen put forth the doctrine of “the ends justify the means,” which is essentially what Senator Kyl and President Obama have done.

Both of them, believing in the sanctity of their positions, feel it is okay to twist the truth if the end result is the outcome they deem to be the best. Both of them are wrong. In the short run, dishonesty may seem to pay off, but in the long run it erodes our collective moral consciousness and it strengthens oppositional forces that don’t go quietly into the night but rather plot to overthrow what was accomplished by deceit.

So what does this have to do with our personal relationships?

In our arguments with our partners and loved ones, when we resort to dishonest tactics (lying, twisting the truth, omitting significant details, misrepresenting our or their position), because we don’t believe we can win the argument by sticking to the facts, it distracts from the merits of our position and reduces any high ground we may have had.

It is a form of betrayal. Our partner knows we have engaged in deceitful tactics such that even if they capitulate and we win the argument, resentments build, their sense of distrust and not feeling safe in the relationship expand, and the relationship is damaged, sometimes beyond the point of it ever being repaired. In other words, we may win the battle but we lose the war.

By distorting the facts in order to manipulate the outcome of a disagreement, it diminishes us in their eyes and in our own eyes as well. It diminishes our self-respect and our self-esteem. It tarnishes our soul.

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“Doing a geographic” is an expression that I believe originated in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous to describe what many alcoholics and addicts do when their lives have become unmanageable.

Rather than address the core problem which is their alcohol or drug addiction, they blame the people around them who don’t understand them, they blame unfortunate circumstances that befall them, they blame their parents, they blame bad luck, they blame God. They blame everyone and everything except themselves.

They define the problem outside of themselves and therefore they never find the solution. They think that, “If I move to another city and start over with a new job and new friends and a fresh start, my life will work and everything will get better.”

It never does. It’s a con. The alcoholic or addict will never get better and their lives will never work for them the way they’d like until they address the real problem rather than see it outside of themselves.

This is true for everyone, not just alcoholics and addicts. Most of us are blind to the source of our problems and blame other people and other things for the difficulties in our lives rather than recognizing the ways in which we are sabotaging ourselves and forever depriving ourselves of happiness and prosperity.

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It is only a matter of time before Gadhafi leaves Libya. History provides many examples of the United States destroying dictators they were once in bed with when it becomes their best interest to do so.

And yet Gadhafi stays. He wants to do battle as long as he can, long after the outcome of his removal had already been decided by other parties, racking up more casualties, costs and collateral damage in the process. Going quietly into the night doesn’t satisfy his angry, selfish ego.

It’s just like couples who divorce when their relationship goes sour. The decision has been made, divorce is a given, living happily ever after just ain’t going to happen.

But instead of accepting this and parting ways as amicably and reasonable as they can, acknowledging that there are no more cards to play in that hand, their angry, judgmental egos prevail and insist on doing battle day to day in their transactions with each other and, more specifically, in the courts, reaping tremendous amounts of emotional and financial havoc that oftentimes leaks all over their children who become custody pawns in their pathetic chess game to prove who can hurt the other more.

So what is the take-home message? Let bygones be bygones. When the relationship is clearly over, let it die a quiet death, let it rest in peace.

Move on. Count your blessings. Be grateful for whatever positive and loving memories you can still muster in your mind and make a healthy, humanistic transition into a new phase of your life. Ride off into the sunset with dignity and honor.

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