Oftentimes when something is suggested to us as a possibility or we are asked if we’d like to do something, our first impulse is to say no. “I can’t… I’m too busy… It won’t work… That’s never going to happen.”

It appears to be a natural tendency for people to be doubtful, cynical, pessimistic, fatalistic, and passive. Perhaps it is born of a need for self-preservation and security. Perhaps we think that by saying no, by not pushing the envelope, by not taking risks, and by not investigating something prior to rejecting it out of hand, we are somehow going to keep ourselves safe.

Certainty, there is truth to that old expression, “Better safe than sorry.” If we don’t take risks, don’t investigate possibilities, and don’t venture forth into uncharted territory, we won’t get hurt. We won’t get disappointed. We won’t get rejected. We won’t feel the sting of failure.

However, the way I see it, sometimes safe equals sorry, in the sense that regret is one of the greatest sorrows and burdens to bear as we grow older.

To have had the opportunity to try something new and to not have done it or to believe that there was potential for us to achieve something great and to have allowed the ultimate naysayer in our mind to discourage us, can leave us with a haunting regret that no sense of safety can soothe.

Truth be told, who’s to say that safe is actually safe? Sometimes doing nothing is a decision that can lead to greater insecurity, frustration, and disappointment, insofar as sometimes passiveness, inertia, apathy, negativity, resistance, and procrastination can leave us in the dust as the future rushes past us and we’re left scrambling for crumbs.

It’s easy to say no. Everybody does it. You’ll be in good company. You’ll never be lonely for the companionship of the mundane and mediocre.

It’s not easy to say yes. It takes courage. It takes the willingness to coexist with uncertainty and be okay with it. Should our efforts not yield the hoped-for results, we still pat ourselves on the back for being an activist and not a passive-ist, for being proactive and not reactive, for being at cause and not at effect in the making of our world.

Bottom line: Don’t be so quick to say no. Don’t be so quick to reject opportunities and possibilities. We needn’t be impulsive and reckless in our commitment to open-mindedness and new frontiers. We just need to keep our eyes open as we venture forth.

If our path takes us into shadows, we remind ourselves that love is the light that dispels the darkness of fear.

CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG, HEARTS & MINDS, AT: http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/

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Check out my blog on letting go of the guilt, shame and pain of the past as well as the depression, anxiety and fear of the future:

http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/2010/09/self-help-101-be-here-now/

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In politics, people don’t play fair. When we don’t like a politician, we will find any excuse to attack the person. We will use anything that person says or does as an opportunity to vilify or blame them in some way.

We will distort what was said or done. We will twist the truth. In most cases, we’re not even aware that we’re doing it.

Filled with self-righteous bile and bias, with rage and resentment, our perception of reality becomes distorted without our knowing it and despite how intelligent we might be, to the point of our honestly believing that our judgments are justified and that our outrage is reasonable.

Although this appears to be the nature of the beast as far as politics is concerned, when this happens with our partners and where our goal is a sustainable, long-term relationship, this type of behavior is highly destructive.

Here’s how works: Let’s say we are angry at our partner for something that was done days, weeks, months or perhaps even years ago. Either the perceived offense was never discussed or it was never resolved to our satisfaction such that a powerful resentment has been smoldering and festering under the surface. We are angry and in an attack mode, and we don’t even know it.

Subsequently, when our partner says or does something that is fairly innocuous and inconsequential, it is distorted by our anger and resentments such that we perceive what they’ve said or done as one more unloving attack upon us, one more act of selfishness and inconsideration, which provides us with the justification, in our mind, to go ballistic on them, which is what we do.

We give them both barrels. We spew our rage and venom. We call them names and do everything we can to guilt and shame them.

Our partner, having no clue where our rage is coming from, unaware that we are fuming over something that happened sometime in the past, and knowing that they have done nothing inconsiderate or unloving in the present moment, gets defensive and angry at having been unfairly attacked.

We then take their reaction as one more example of their unwillingness to own what they have done, admit when they are wrong, and apologize for their bad behavior, not yet realizing that we are completely in the wrong and out of our mind.

Obviously, this scenario can’t help but weaken the relationship and possibly damage it beyond repair. The take-home lesson here isn’t all that tricky:

Best that we not harbor resentments towards our partner. Best that we bring our grievances to the table and not sweep them under the rug.

If we have a problem with something that they’ve said or done, we should address it when it happens and make every effort to resolve it.

If our attempts at communication fail, our grievance falls on deaf ears, and our partner is unwilling to validate our position such that compromise and reconciliation remain elusive, it behooves us to either continue the discussion at a later date and hope it can be resolved at that time when tempers have subsided and both parties have had a chance to think about the issue, or to let the issue go.

If we choose to let it go, we truly have to do that. We have to accept our partner’s flaws and the relationship’s limitations without anger or resentment. If we can’t do this, we will likely repeat our behavior of picking fights with our partner and venting our anger towards them inappropriately.

Eventually, the relationship is likely to crumble. Should it manage to survive, it will surely be an unpleasant journey.

CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG, HEARTS & MINDS, AT: http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/

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When we are doing somebody a favor, it’s best we do it graciously. It’s best we don’t make them feel like they are burdening us or that they are a nuisance because when we do this we are essentially shooting ourselves in the foot.

Despite the fact that we are doing them a favor, when we do it begrudgingly we are actually destroying a substantial amount of good will in the process. At the same time that we are helping them, we are also generating bad feelings.

Basically, what we’re saying is that there are conditions to our helping them. We’re saying that, “I will help you but I will make you feel bad about it. I will make you feel less than. I will make you feel shamed and guilty. I will make you feel like you owe me something in return for putting me out.”

It makes no sense to behave this way. It’s much better to maximize the situation so that we come up smelling like roses.

Consequently, if we have decided we will help someone, it behooves us to offer the assistance graciously and joyously. When we do this, we demonstrate how incredibly wonderful, magnanimous, selfless and generous we are, and in the process we strengthen our bond with the person, we advance our reputation in the community as word spreads about our estimable actions, we like ourselves more for truly being a class act, and we increase the odds of people going out of their way to help us in the future should we ever be in need.

BUILDING SELF ESTEEM

Bottom line: No matter what we are doing, whether it be a favor for others, a task at work, or some leisure activity, it always behooves us to do it with grace, a smile, and a positive attitude. In the long run, this will improve our self esteem and serve us well.

P.S. CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG, HEARTS & MINDS, AT: http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/

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Abby Nelson has compiled a list of the top fifty blogs devoted to positive thinking and positive psychology.

I am publishing a link to her blog post not solely because she ranked my blog #3 on her list. It is an excellent resource for those who are interested in this topic.

So here it is:

50 Best Blogs For Practicing Positive Psychology

P.S. CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG, HEARTS & MINDS, AT: http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/

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