Abby Nelson has compiled a list of the top fifty blogs devoted to positive thinking and positive psychology.

I am publishing a link to her blog post not solely because she ranked my blog #3 on her list. It is an excellent resource for those who are interested in this topic.

So here it is:

50 Best Blogs For Practicing Positive Psychology

P.S. CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG, HEARTS & MINDS, AT: http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/

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Glenn Beck has the right idea about focusing on God. Unfortunately, he is going about it the wrong way.

By that I mean: Yesterday at his Restoring Honor rally he spoke of uniting people in God. Tomorrow, however, he will broadcast on radio and TV a message of judgment and attack, utilizing labels that diminish those he disagrees with, encourage divisiveness and generate anger and aggression in his followers.

This is counterproductive to what he says his God intention is.

YOU CAN’T SERVE TWO MASTERS

Rather than judging and attacking his brothers and sisters who he believes are misguided and/or evil, if he truly wants to unite rather than divide, and welcome God into everyone’s mind, then he needs to find a way to see the good in everyone despite how they’re behaving.

He needs to tailor his message so as to gently guide people to the truth of God and Love, and in so doing help them make better choices.

God is Love. Love is unconditional. There can be no exclusions or exceptions.

Contrary to what many people think, God does not take sides. This is an interpretation of the ego. It is not the reality of God.

God does not love some people and hate others. God does not welcome some people into heaven and banish others to hell. We must discard these old, tired concepts of an angry, vengeful God who smites enemies and curses people with plagues and misfortune.

This God is not real. There is but one God and he loves us all, even those who are deeply disturbed and degenerate.

Glenn Beck said that his Restoring Honor rally was about God and not politics. That’s good. Honor and God go together. Honor and politics do not. People may think they do, but that is another con of the ego mind that wants to keep this world inflamed and confused.

Bottom line: It’s not going to be particularly effective to have one symbolic day devoted to rallying behind God, if the rest of the time we are in a judgment and attack mode.

If Glenn Beck wants his vision of God and the restoration of honor to take hold in this country it would be best that he put aside his politics of fear and hate.

P.S. CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG, HEARTS & MINDS, AT: http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/

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I was asked by a Facebook friend to offer advice as to how to cope with the loss of his father. This is what I wrote to him: (IF YOU WISH THE PODCAST VERSION, CLICK ON THE AUDIO MP3 BUTTON BELOW)

Regrettably, a loss of this nature is not a simple thing to cope with. We must accept the passing of our loved ones, appreciating that the pain will get less over time.

Instead of focusing on mourning the loss, we turn our attention to celebrating the person’s humanity and spirit, appreciating what a blessing it was to have that person in our life.

We focus on emulating their goodness so that they live on in us and in our good deeds and in all the people whose lives we touch.

Life After Death?

People have their own beliefs about life after death. I personally believe that the spirit is eternal, that the body dies but the spirit lives on forever in eternal peace and joy.

I believe that when we die we are reunited with our loved ones, if that is what we desire, and that leaving this earthly plane is not the end of the story but is actually the continuation of an eternal, spiritual dance of love, light, joy and harmony. These perspectives help ease my pain.

That being said, the bottom line is this: Regardless of whether there is an eternal heaven we all will one day enter or not, when our loved ones leave us, we must mourn their loss, cherish their memory, and then move forward in our lives rather than dwell on our sadness.

We must accept the way of things without anger, bitterness, guilt or shame, attend to our responsibilities, and nurture those who are alive who we dearly care for.

P.S. CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG, HEARTS & MINDS, AT: http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/

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 Bereavement: Dealing With The Loss Of A Loved One: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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There are two blatantly disturbing aspects of the mosque versus ground zero debacle:

(1)  A majority of those who are against the building of the mosque near Ground Zero have moved from reasonable and appropriate dissent and disagreement to bigotry, racism, stereotyping, hatred, and violence in speech if not in action, all of which are forms of terrorism, in a sense, which is remarkably ironic in that it’s these sorts of behaviors that will contribute to further emotional and physical terroristic malignancy and aggression in the future, which those against the building of the mosque are in fear of.

(2)  Those who are insistent upon building the mosque at the currently proposed site near Ground Zero because they have the right to do so and who are unwilling to compromise and negotiate an alternative site are being equally shortsighted in the sense that by being insensitive to the point of being unwilling to adjust the site location, they are setting themselves up for more dissent, divisiveness, racial profiling and stereotyping, and potential violence against them in the future, which is counterproductive to their long-range goals.

So what can these extreme positions teach us about our personal relationships?

They bring to mind the expression, “Would you rather be right or happy?”

In our personal relationships, when we are in conflict with our partner and in disagreement as to what should be done in a particular circumstance, when we don’t get our way it behooves us not to vilify our partner. It behooves us not to take an extreme position of anger, aggression, verbal or physical attack. It behooves us not to call our partner names and paint them as evil and malignant people.

This may be very satisfying to our ego to lash out because they have hurt us.  Equally so, we may perceive this tactic as a  way to  manipulate them to change their mind. Regardless of our motives, the end result is going to be bad feelings, more resentments and grievances, more aggression and passive-aggression, all of which bode poorly for a long-term, sustainable, and successful relationship.

On the other hand, if we are the partner who has gotten the final say, who has taken the position that we are in the right and we will not compromise or negotiate, again we are just laying the groundwork for more grievance and aggression which foretells a relationship that will ultimately fail.

Just because we may be in the right doesn’t mean we should muscle our partner into submission. If instead, we are sensitive to their needs and feelings and try to find a way to compromise for the greatest good of all concerned, we are taking the high ground, we are role modeling healthy, loving behavior, and we are making the statement that we would rather be happy than insist on being right.

Make love, not war

The world is too complex and complicated for any one group to think that they can have their way to the exclusion of the needs and concerns of others. Equally so, relationships are too complex these days to allow for any partner to have an extreme, radical position that doesn’t tolerate sensitivity and compromise.

If the world is to be healthy and to thrive, we must all find a way to cooperate, to compromise, to negotiate, and to communicate effectively and fairly. And if our relationships are to be healthy and to thrive, the same principles must prevail.

P.S. CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG, HEARTS & MINDS, AT: http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/

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It is extremely problematic that a portion of the population views the Jet Blue flight attendant’s behavior as heroic.

Here is a guy who lost control. Here is a guy who acted impulsively, inappropriately, aggressively, foolishly and recklessly. And people want to give him a medal. It makes no sense

It is irrelevant whether he was provoked by one more idiot on a plane. His behavior was wrong. It is his job to be of service to others. It is his job to stay calm. It is his job to not lose control. It is his job to be a role model for restraint and right action.

It is irrelevant if we identify with his frustration and sympathize with his plight. This doesn’t give us license to distort and ignore reality: This man is not a hero. To admire him is to reinforce bad behavior.

There was an article in the paper yesterday that he is now being represented for television projects and that he now has 25 offers for reality TV shows.

This is not surprising but it is extremely disturbing because it sends society the message that if you act out and are selfish, reckless and impulsive, you, too, can become rich and famous.

When we elevate bad behavior to heroic status and make celebrities out of people with poor judgment and poor impulse control, we are essentially fiddling while Rome burns.

The more we reinforce and reward people like this, the more we are reinforcing and encouraging bad behavior, copycat behavior, and any reckless indulgence that anyone might wish to entertain.

It actually isn’t much of a leap from this guy grabbing two beers and engaging the emergency chute on the plane in order to “stick it to the man” to a terrorist blowing up a bus to demonstrate that he is frustrated and angry, and he’s not going to take it anymore. It’s all a continuum of bad behavior. It’s all a matter of degrees.

So what does this tell us about our personal relationships?

It’s not uncommon for people to be attracted to people like this man who are bold and outrageous. And it’s not uncommon for people to develop relationships with them. Unfortunately, this is very short-sighted because these people are not responsible. They will not, in the long run, sustain a meaningful relationship because they are selfish, inconsiderate and self-centered.

Sooner or later, we will become collateral damage of their aggressive and impulsive foolishness. Sooner or later, they will fail us and disappoint us, whether they create melodrama and chaos in their lives and draw us into it, or eventually seek greener pastures when they need the next high, and leave us in the dust.

Bottom line: It behooves us to look before we leap into relationships with people of this nature. It behooves us to reserve our enthusiasm and applause for people who take center stage by behaving in ways which are responsible and not criminal. If we don’t, we are doomed to follow these people down the black holes they are ultimately headed.

P.S. CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG, HEARTS & MINDS, AT: http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/

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It is extremely difficult to not be judgmental. It is extremely difficult to let go of resentments and grievances. It is extremely difficult to turn the other cheek. It is extremely difficult to forgive.

Nonetheless, these are the things we must do. These are the principles we must stand for. These are the behaviors we must role model for our family and our peers.

Indeed, if we perceive ourselves to be religious people, and our religious doctrines espouse forgiveness, acceptance and love, it is critical that we do the best we can to practice what our religions preach.

If we fail to do this, if we speak of God on Sunday and war on Monday, we can count on further conflict and confusion in our lives, and we can expect further failure rather than success.

The only way out of this war game we have created from our fear is to place no conditions on who we accept and forgive. On the contrary, we must accept and forgive everyone, no matter how badly they are behaving. We must exclude no one from our love.

If we think this is an unrealistic, Pollyanna approach and that anger, vengeance and attack will protect us and make us secure, we aren’t really thinking. We should forgive ourselves for we know not what we do.

Although, in the short run, judgment and aggression may seem to be practical and pragmatic methods for survival, in the long run they are forms of madness that will forever keep us from the enduring peace and prosperity that we desire for ourselves and our children.

P.S. CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG, HEARTS & MINDS, AT: http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/

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Unexpected Treasures is a compilation of short, easy to read, inspirational essays that offer wisdom and advice to help people navigate the difficulties and obstacles in their lives.

Written by Dr. Mikel Brown, a Licensed Clinical Counselor, businessman, and religious leader, Unexpected Treasures provides the reader with tools to deal with and overcome a variety of life challenges, including addiction, depression, divorce and financial devastation.

Dr. Brown’s essays are relevant to our lives and pertinent to the times we live in, where there is a great deal of economic stress, anxiety and uncertainty about the future. His writings offer techniques to generate positive change, to turn adversity into success, and to escape the emotional imprisonment of fear and failure. The perspectives he shares, oftentimes in the form of stories about people, including himself, demonstrate an insightful knowledge of human nature.

Unexpected Treasures can help people to organize their thinking, control their emotions, and develop proactive strategies in order to generate happiness and success.

Click on the book cover to see more reviews of this book on Amazon.com:

P.S. CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG, HEARTS & MINDS, AT: http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/

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CLICK ON THE PODCAST BELOW to listen to a brief discussion of A Course In Miracles.

A Course In Miracles has similarities to Zen Buddhism in its use of meditation as a path to enlightenment. At the same time, it focuses on principles of The Sermon On The Mount (Forgiveness, Acceptance, and Love) and utilizes Christian terminology. Nonetheless, it is not Christianity. It is not a religion. It is not a sect. It is not a cult.

A Course In Miracles is a spiritual self-study program that teaches people how to change their thoughts and their perceptions in order to attain inner peace.

If you click on the picture of the book below, it will take you to Amazon.com where you can review the book further. I greatly encourage you to consider reading A Course In Miracles. It is brilliant. It is wise. It will improve the quality of your life. But I should warn you: it’s not easy reading and it’s definitely not easy to apply its principles. But it will be worth your time and energy if you make the effort.

TO LISTEN TO THE AUDIO, PLEASE CLICK ON THE PLAYER BELOW:

P.S. CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG, HEARTS & MINDS, AT: http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/

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 Spiritual Psychotherapy: A Course In Miracles: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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Many of us, as adults, do all sorts of things to gain acceptance, approval and love from our parents and other loved ones. In many cases, our efforts go unnoticed or unrewarded. No matter what we do, it’s not good enough. No matter what we do, we receive criticism and harsh judgment. No matter what we do, we don’t get the same attention and consideration that is shown to others.

The end result is our feeling bad about ourselves. We feel unloved and unlovable. We feel defective and inadequate. We feel rejected and abandoned. It’s very painful.

Despite this pain that we cause ourselves by repeatedly putting ourselves in these no-win situations, hoping against hope that somehow something will change, we continue the love-seeking and approval-seeking behaviors that get us nowhere.

When we try to communicate our needs and generate a dialogue in an attempt to learn if there’s something we’re doing that’s getting in the way or pushing them away, these efforts fall on deaf ears. We don’t get honest answers. We are left feeling confused, hurt and angry.

And still we seek their love and believe there’s an emptiness inside of us that only their love can fill.

Truth be told, we will never feel whole if we are waiting for approval and love from others. We must learn to love ourselves despite how others perceive us and treat us.

One way to begin the process of loving ourselves is to stop victimizing ourselves and beating ourselves up by repeatedly putting ourselves in situations where we get rejected and hurt.

If we have made efforts to break through whatever walls have been put up, and these efforts continue to be ignored, unappreciated, and invalidated, at some point we need to stop making these efforts and accept the fact that we’re most likely never going to get the love and approval we desire.

At some point  we need to accept the fact that we can’t squeeze blood from a stone. At some point we need to appreciate that it’s okay to want love from others but not to need it, and that we shouldn’t jump through hoops in attempts to get it.

At some point we need to respect ourselves, validate ourselves, nurture ourselves and love ourselves by discontinuing these desperate attempts to achieve the impossible.

Instead, we mourn the relationships that haven’t lived up to the potentials we hoped for. We feel sad that we don’t have the love that we would like from those relationships. But we don’t minimize ourselves anymore. We don’t put ourselves in situations that will lead to us feeling neglected and rejected. We stop trying to push the river where it doesn’t want to go.

We accept the relationships as they are, with their limitations. We release any anger and resentments we are harboring. We feel good about ourselves for taking care of ourselves, for not living in denial, for not doing the same things and expecting different results. And we look elsewhere for acceptance and love if that is what we desire.

P.S. CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG, HEARTS & MINDS, AT: http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/

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Although it is normal to feel blue occasionally, as a consequence of the trials and tribulations of our lives, when the blues don’t go away and start affecting how we feel about ourselves and how we transact in the world, it behooves us to consider the possibility that we may be becoming clinically depressed.

If this is the case, it’s best that we seek help sooner rather than later because the longer we wait, the more debilitating the depression can become, in terms of disrupting all aspects of our lives, including our health, livelihood and relationships. Additionally, the longer we wait, the harder it is to treat.

The first step in dealing with depression is to recognize its signs and symptoms. In the next few minutes, you will learn:

• the emotional and physical symptoms of depression;
• how a depressed person interacts with others around them;
• the various types of suicidal ideation, any one of which needs to be taken seriously.

To listen to the audio, please click on the player below:

P.S. CHECK OUT MY OTHER BLOG, HEARTS & MINDS, AT: http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/fhg-blogs/hm/

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 Signs & Symptoms of Depression: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

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